We all want to be polite and patient on first dates—nobody wants to come off as pushy—but there are some instances when you should push your date to answer a question. And if he can’t or won’t, something is up. Ideally, your date is so comfortable with his past and himself that he’ll tell you just about anything! But, that’s rare and hard to come by. That being said, even the shyest or most private person owe you some basic information. The only reason they wouldn’t tell you these things is if it would shine an unflattering and probably accurate light on them. Here is information your date should be willing to divulge. This applies to both a male or female date.
Whether or not he’s been married
This is public record anyways, so he may as well tell you. If he won’t tell you, then he clearly has been married…possibly many times…and had nasty divorces. Oh—or he is still married.
If he’s currently seeing somebody
You have the right to know if the person you’re going out with is going out with somebody else. If seeing multiple people isn’t a game you like to play, you have the right to know if you’ve been thrown into that game…so you can remove yourself.
If he wants a relationship or just a hookup
There are subtle ways to ask this, but he should be able to answer you. Men who won’t answer this are usually just looking for a hookup, but they don’t want to tell you because they were hoping to trick you into thinking they wanted something more.
Whether or not he has children
Also public record. Also something he should be willing to tell you. Did he think you wouldn’t find out eventually? Plus, you want to be with a man who is proud of his kids!
If he’s clean… (when you get there)
If sex is on the table, you definitely have the right to ask if he’s good. Heck, you have the right to see the records. Yes, even if you’re going to use condoms. Condoms don’t stop everything.
What he does for a living
If he won’t tell you what he does for a living, it’s either because he A) Doesn’t do anything B) Does something strange and/or illegal or C) Doesn’t want you to know he has a lot of money.
Why his last relationship ended
He doesn’t have to get into too much detail, but if he gets angry or irritated at the question then that relationship must have ended in an ugly way—and he may have been responsible. Either that or he’s still into the ex.
Is he staying in the city?
If he has plans to travel the world for three years, you deserve to know so that you don’t invest much in him. Even if he knows he wants to live in a different country every five years, that’s something you should know since that may be a lifestyle you are totally out on.
Some insight into his day-to-day life
If he becomes uncomfortable when you simply try to get an idea of what his day-to-day life is like, he might be up to some pretty sketch things during his day-to-day life. Or he doesn’t want you to know he spends all day sleeping, playing video games, and living off his trust fund.
His living situation
You’re not asking for his address! He should at least be able to tell you if he lives alone, with a roommate, at home, with his ex…Or if he is currently couch surfing because his credit is too awful to land him an apartment.
His age…hello!
Some people don’t think their dates are entitled to this information. Those people are wrong. Plus, if a man won’t tell you his age then that means he is very uncomfortable with himself.
His stance on monogamy
If your date hopes to end up in a couple that swings, or believes steadfastly in some rule about everyone getting a few chances to cheat…that is something you should know.
Does he talk to his family?
You’re not asking to be best friends with his mom—you just want to know what his relationship with his family is like. And to be honest, hopefully his relationship with them is at least decent.
If not, why not?
If he doesn’t talk to his family, he should be able to tell you why. Even if the full story is very personal and painful, he should at least be able to say that for now. If he changes the subject, he may have stolen their money and ran away.
Whether or not he does any drugs
It doesn’t matter if he thinks the drugs he does are so harmless and that he has such a handle on them you don’t need to know about them. That’s up for you to decide. If you want to date someone who is totally sober or doesn’t do drugs you deserve to know where your date stands on this.
Criminal record—is there one?
Again, this is public information, so he may as well divulge it. And if it’s a record for something silly or something for which he knows he’s innocent, he shouldn’t be too bothered to bring it up.
Some insight into his political and religious views
I know I know—you shouldn’t talk politics or religion at dinner. But don’t you think it’s important to know where your partner stands on things like…whether he believes in God ?If you come from a religious family? or immigration? If you come from a family of immigrants? Or abortion, if you are—well—a woman.
His relationship with his exes
If he is still friends with an ex, but he isn’t willing to tell you that, then that means something is still going on with that ex. If an ex has a restraining order against him, that’s also something you should know. Also, why?!
His thoughts on being friends with exes
If you are friends with many of your exes, that is something you should tell your date and something he should give his input on. If he has a strict no-friends-with-exes rule for his girlfriends, then he’s probably the wrong guy for you.
Some insight into his financial situation
You’re not asking for his credit card statements, but you should probably know if he is so deeply in debt he can’t even go on dates. You should also know if the IRS is harassing him.
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